Come Around

Hey Out There,

I wonder if everyone else is as guilty as I am for waiting for life to start. "When I graduate college...When I get my first apartment....When I get my first real job..." Then things will be on track. Then my life will start. Then. Here's the crazy thing though: this is my life. This crazy set of moments where I play soccer in tutus with my little sister, write poetry I secretly love for people to read, tease the shit out of my little brother, unapologetically angst for hours on end, try to trust in God, make a mess of my room, say too much, think too little, and occasionally get made fun of for my music taste.

And I think that I'm so afraid to think of this as life because that would mean that "Life" isn't some stark, momentous change I can be prepared for. There's no starting line. Or rather, there was, but it's about 18 years and a million memories behind me. And I'm afraid because I know that If I realize that, then all I've got on my hands is a big pile of "What the hell are you waiting for?" To which I can only answer in the format indicative of my generation: "IDFN."

And that's absolutely okay. Because as long as I realize that yes, this is my life, and no, I have absolutely no reason or right to be afraid of it or run from it; as long as I can promise myself to at least try to embrace it, then I can just let it be what it is. And then it's no longer waiting. It's Life.

Quote of the day:

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

Please excuse the soap box, but...

Hey Out There,

Today's asshole quote: "I don't see why anyone bothers. No one is bigger than the machine." Okay, Mr. World-weary hipster, suck it up. I nearly puked on my rain-boots when I heard that asinine idea. So no one is bigger than the machine. Martin Luther King Jr. wasn't. Gandhi wasn't. Jane Addams wasn't. Nancy Pelosi isn't. Despite all of the rhetoric, Obama isn't. And those are just the names you'll probably recognize.

Hope, an intolerance for intolerant bullshit, and the relentless struggle of the masses is the only thing that's ever changed anything. For there to be masses, there have to actually be people who care. Whether you believe in gender equality, class equality, Medicare reform, more stringency with welfare, going green, in big business, that the FDA needs to start actually doing it's job, in killing big business, that the government is too big, that the government isn't doing enough, that Coke beats Pepsi any day, it's all just about giving a damn. Believe in something. Believe in anything, and fight for it. Honestly, it's your civic duty. Apathy is a more effective killer of good and righteous change than opposition ever was.

No one is supposed to be bigger than the machine. Can we please regress to first grade, with the founding fathers and their system of checks and balances? It is exactly this system that allows such rapid and radical change. I will reiterate. No one is supposed to be bigger than the machine, because then this wouldn't be a democracy.

Asshole-Free Quote of the day:

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." -- Atticus Finch

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

Hey Out There,

I am not your mother.

I swear like a sailor, I don't clean my room as often as I should (i.e., only when I can no longer reach my bed), and I eat more starch than is probably healthy for a human being.

That being said, please, mind your manners.

There is a reason they were invented. They showcase class, generosity, and just all around respect for people on the grounds that they are human beings. So, a quick and basic review, shall we ladies and gentlemen?

*shut your damn trap while eating. seriously, that's just nasty.

*say please and thank you. always.

*get off the phone when you order/pay for food. your conversation is most likely not immediate life or death if you're about to get lunch, so for real. put that shit down for five seconds.

Other things, like thank you cards, I know can be iffy. We're all super busy, and while it would be nice of you to sit and write a quick note to your Uncle Bob who gave you those sweet McDonalds Bucks, he probably knows you're busy, and a quick email/phone call/text/twitter/facebook post/smoke signal/primal drum beat "thank you!" would suffice just as well. seriously, with how many ways we keep in touch these days, you've got no excuse.

Quote of the day:

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~Emily Post

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

p.s. sorry i haven't been around lately, bronchitis is the pits!

Realize

Hey Out There,

Someone mentioned to me recently a quote by a philosopher with a name I can't for the life of me pronounce. He said that Hell is "the suffering of being unable to love". For those of you that care, his name is Fyodor Dostoyevsky. For those of you that don't, such as myself, he will heretofore be referred to as That Dead Russian Guy.

I agree with him, for the most part. Love is the great motivator in this world. "Life is Pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (I'll be impressed if you know where that one's from). Love is so much a part of Life. It takes different forms; jealousy and greed, passion, adoration, sacrifice, worry, friendship. It creates and it destroys, it rips and grates, it soothes and heals. It is not a comfortable thing, no matter which form it takes.

That Dead Russian Guy hit the nail on the head in that sense. Love is a biological need. It's how we survive despite being Karma's favorite punching bags. Without it...I can't even imagine. Love is the expansion of the soul. Without Love, the soul shrinks to nothingness. Without any love at all, I'm not sure a person would have a soul at all, and therefore I'm not sure there would be any suffering, but maybe he means the part between, where the soul is shrinking.

So I guess the message I'm trying to get through all of this smarmy, cheesy jargon here is just...to love. Love your family. Love your friends. Love your dog, your fish, your kid brother (yes, at this point they belong in the same category). Don't close your heart, don't lose your soul.

Love is a verb. "Just do it."

Quote of the Day:

"I hold it true, whatever befall

I feel it, when I sorrow most

It is better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all."

--Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Poem of the Day:

For Mallory-

Plastic houses.

Green roofs and red doors,

and the most beautiful laugh

in a polka-dot jacket.

I'm Alice in Wonderland

five again- fearless

digging for treasure;

swinging for the moon.

Rolling in the grass,

no shame in falling down,

hitting the earth hard and fast--

she just laughs.

Twin hazel suns are shining

above teeny, tiny Chiclets

she insists are falling out,

'cause she's "a big girl now, Rinny."

Pearly white honor badges,

her hand fits over one fingertip,

pulls to the slide, smiling,

showing off the little holes.

My heart's so full it's bursting.

So I trip. Obviously.

But she just sits on me,

Dora shoes flashing

little finger wagging:

"Be careful, Rinny!"

I think it's a little too late for me.

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

Bubbly

Hey Out There,

Don't put your white coat in the wash with your blue jeans. Don't forget your keys in your room when you need them to get back in the building. Don't forget which bus takes you home.

By that I mean that some days you are just going to screw up. There are just going to be those days where your hair won't cooperate, you dye your favorite coat blue, and you cannot for the life of you remember where or what your next class is. There are just going to be those days where you fall face first, days where you accidently cut yourself in the shower, and days when you forget to do your homework.

And you know what? You survive. The sky doesn't fall. Some things are inalienable. You are still you, chocolate is still the perfect cure-all, and tomorrow will be better. Until then, you just breathe a little deeper, try and clean up the mess, and sing obnoxiously to the radio. Even Superman forgot his underwear goes on the inside. You get a reprieve too.

Quote of the Day:

“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!”

--Alfred Alder

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

Navigate Me

Hey Out There,

I am a firm believer in starting over. In laying it all out on the table. In breaking your own heart for the sake of true disclosure. It's the darkest just before the dawn, at rock bottom there's no place but up, we have nothing to fear but fear itself, all that jazz.

It's the truth though. All of the fearful, jealous, insecure pieces of you, and all of the amazing, talented, entertaining pieces, these make up YOU. You are nothing to run away from. You are more than you could possibly ever be. You are a thousand unrealized reactions, a hundred unrealized dreams. You EMBODY possibility. And that's what it means to start over.

Starting over is sometimes a misnomer for the process. It is not a burning in effigy of a past self. It is not a burial of all you were. It's just a space. It's the part between where you broke into twelve zillion pieces and where you made a plan. It's that single breath where you decided to realize one of those reactions, try out a new dream, to take a chance on the possibility of who you COULD be.

It's the single most delicate moment in human existence. It's fleeting and terrifying and completely worth it. You're looking for something to believe in? Start with yourself.

Quote of the day: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

---Thomas Edison

Poem of the day:

There's a burning, changing light

I keep it within me;

As I go.

It dances in the darkness

Fearless; Unafraid

It's my very own secret smile;

Laughing with a child's wonderment

Winking with a woman's knowing.

It's Faith

In self possession-

In being a gift to myself.

Because it still burns on my darkest days

Warms the depths of my soul

When the world has gone cold

And unfeeling.

It's Hope that

Though my eyes are dark and mourning

I'll shine brighter than before

And give the world what I've seen.

I was born of sin and sainthood.

I see in incongruity-

A patchwork soul of colored flame.

It's all wrapped around within me:

Twisted circles; bathing in Dreams,

Endless stores of kerosene.

I've seen it all laid before me

In that shining little light-

My Next Day.

TAFNF,

Elena Grace

Bed Rock

Hey Out There,

We'd all be lying if we said we weren't out to save the world. I know. You've (probably) never worn your underwear purposefully outside of your pants, your idea of casualwear (probably) isn't a spandex bodysuit, and the only cape you've ever worn was that dishtowel you wouldn't take off when you were six.

You are not the evangelist screaming in his multimillion dollar church about living modestly, and you are not that hobo guy on the street with his cardboard sign lecturing about the END TIMES.

But this isn't really about that. This is about the thousand ways people die every day, though none of them actually involve purple flags and a motorcade.

This is about how maybe you recycle religiously, or how maybe you had exact change, or how maybe you made small talk in an elevator, or how maybe you were patient in traffic, or how maybe you meant it when you said "Have a Nice Day". This is about waving to your mailman. This is about throwing out that plastic bag on the ground. This is just.....about you.

Don't be a liar. Go save the world.

Quote of the day: "There is no such thing as small change."

Poem of the day:

Let's make a mark-

Lovely, imperfect,

Bleed life into black ink.

They might be only words, but we find

Permanence in transience, because

contradictions are the only logical things.

Anyhow, there's patches of flame on the

Sidewalk, where the rain runs clean.

But they remain unmuted, and

It's not harmony, but it's close enough.

Let's take it all for granted.

Drip sunlight onto white pages.

It might only be illumination, but

we find hope in arbitrary inspiration

and though it might be a train,

we're still walking, aren't we?

TAFNF,

Elena Grace